I think from now on, when I’m forced to explain to someone exactly what it is that I do, I’m going to say I’m like the homeless. I have to convince random people on the street (the consumer), that I am worth their time and money. I am the product, and I have to make my pitch in roughly five words or less. Say what’s been said before, “homeless, please help”, and they’ll move on. But say something bent, unusual, or surprising, and I just might get a nickel.

Here are some great examples, of some homeless copywriters: http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/best-funny-homeless-signs

Thirty yards ahead, you spot a homeless man. Shades come on, music gets turned up, hat brim gets pulled over the eyes. “If I can’t hear you homeless guy, I can’t give you money.” I’m not mocking these cheap assholes, I am one of these cheap assholes. But here is my advice to my fellow misers: at least read their signs. Eventually you’ll find some true creativity in their writing. Some will make you smile, some will make you laugh. Those are the ones that you should give your loose change to. You’ll find that having no money, and no food, somehow makes you a surprisingly good writer. You have to, to get noticed. 

If any agency is in need of some new talent, they need to look to the streets. The homeless are copywriters. And vice versa, but that’s beside the point. They need to collect their cardboard signs, and start building their portfolio.

Today I was presented with the opportunity to partake in a new form of People Watching: People Analyzing. This game involved, not only observing those that walked by me in the street, but also determining their “story”. What follows represents the varied personalities that I had the pleasure of creeping on today:

(Note: All names are just assumptions, but the stories are most likely 100% accurate. As the inventor of this game, I have to be pretty good at it.)

(2nd Note: Though it may seem so from the following game entries, I'm not a negative, judgmental, asshole in real life. It's all part of the game.)

·      Poor Sam was the first to walk down the street that afternoon. With his sunken eyes and downward gaze, it was clear that Sam’s girlfriend had just broken up with him. He can’t help but place the blame on his fraternity; they are a negative influence on him. But is it really the fraternity’s fault that he drank too much and hooked up with his (ex) girlfriend’s roommate?

·      Mary considers herself a bit artsy, but she may be the only one that would consider this. She tries so hard to look the part with her colorful scarf that doesn’t match the rest of her clothes. She should probably consider moving on from her failed childhood dream.

·      Here comes that typical “hard-to-get” girl, Lindsey. You better have some money if you ever plan on winning her over. What a perfect example of a “don’t-talk-to-me” face.

·      Good ol’ Jorge takes pride in the labor involved in his job. He’s a much harder worker than those corporate assholes, and if it was up to him, he’d get paid as much, if not more than those douche bags.

·      Bill is just glad to be his age. As an elder, people don’t make fun of him anymore.

·      Spencer is uncomfortable and unsure about whether or not he has sufficient upper-body strength, despite how often he works out. That’s why he wears a sweatshirt when he rides his bike in 70-degree weather.

·      Carly constantly looks at her phone all day, and not to talk to her friends. She’s just hoping that maybe today is the day that “he” will finally text her. It’s been four months.

·      Brian is very economical. Why waste money on shitty drag food, when you can pack your own lunch. Enjoy that moldy banana Brian.

·      Rachel hates Jen, but she doesn’t know it. As far as anyone is concerned “they’re great friends”, but if she talks to Kent one more time, she’ll burn her with her curling iron.

·      Bradley and Sara are that awkward couple. They think they are cute, but when you are in public, some stuff is just not ok.

·      Conner has been in and out of fast food jobs every month, and even goes long stretches without one. Why? He’s yet to realize that his greasy long hair and unkempt beard is off putting to customers. Does he even wash his hands?

·      Tim wishes he never gave up baseball. He was a great shortstop, but the despite the name, he was just too short to keep playing. His economics degree will have to suffice, but he fucking hates economics.

·      Ah Danny, the proud, overweight guy. He’s not out of shape, he’s just who he is, and if you have a problem with it, you can fuck off. He’d rather die doing what he loves than waste time in the gym. In ancient times, such men were kings.

·      Kyle is just hilarious! Well, he thinks he is. He joined his fraternity for a new audience. He does occasionally get some laughs, but that may be because of his cargo shorts and plaid hat.

·      Hello Brittany!! Suh-rawr-it-ee sistas 4 live!!! Sure it’s a month before Round Up, by wait to wear neon? How else will people notice you in class? What could look hotter on a Wednesday than a tank and Nike shorts?

·      “Siri, play artist Backstreet Boys, shuffled”, we can only assume Christina said. Boy, does she still live in the ‘90s. Tie dye t-shirts, unusually oversized jackets, and of course unnecessary gadget accessories. Keep living “Larger than Life” Christina.

·      You know how much noise your shoes are making, right Molly? Who cares… Everyone can go fuck themselves, right?

·      Jon, how sweet is it that you get to wear flip flops in February? If this weather keeps up, you can probably get an Ultimate game going on Saturday. It’s been a while since you’ve played, and you don’t have the time to waste playing for the school team. But let’s be honest… you’re probably not quite good enough.

·      Chris, it’s amazing that you’ve made it this far in life. Food poisoning from the crap you eat off the street, is nothing compared to that cinder block you took to the head in ’84. It’s a shame what has happened to you. You really had a lot of things going your way, but sadly, you don’t remember.

That’s all for now, but I suspect that this game will make a comeback.

During the Super Bowl yesterday, Go Daddy surprised viewers with not just their usual sexual spot, but also a full on, raunchy make out sesh involving supermodel Bar Refaeli and some nerd named Walter. This ad was created by the New York agency Deutsch. The response to this spot: a surprising amount of hatred and criticism. Why? Go Daddy is known for their sexy spots, and they did so this year in a way that far outdid their previous commercials. Here’s my argument for this gem:

Go Daddy has chosen their brand image: random sexuality that actually has nothing to do with the product itself. Those who have a problem with this spot, shouldn’t have a problem with the commercial, but rather the chosen brand image. I’m not here, however, to discuss the merit behind Go Daddy’s brand image. It was chosen years ago and they seem pretty determined to stick with it, so c’est la vie. Now in the past, Go Daddy has struggled. They began this image with their “wardrobe malfunction” commercial, poking fun at the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake fiasco, but since then have failed to produce anything interesting. The spots to follow consisted of poor acting, corny storylines, and (surprisingly) uninteresting sex appeal. That changed this year. No acting necessary. Take a drop-dead gorgeous Israeli, and pay her a crap-load to make out with some oddly shaped, red-faced nerd, who is most likely the producer’s son. What they got, was that jaw-dropping moment, one most advertisers would kill for.

It must be understood, that the spot was not meant to be funny. That is where a lot of that backlash is coming from. You’re not supposed to laugh. The commercial is admittedly, quite disturbing. Instead, you are literally expected to say: “what the f*ck”? And the fact that Go Daddy succeeded with that, their commercial is now memorable. Despite the hatred- people are talking about it. Not only that, for the first time in years, their commercial actually accurately represents what they are selling: a combination of sexiness and intelligence in website design. You’ll never forget that, since the personification of their website is forever burned into your mind.

So put your spatulas away, angry housewives. Take a chill pill lonely, single people. Give the rulers back to the students, Catholic school nuns. You’ve just witnessed the boundaries of commercials being pushed, and you’ll always remember that Go Daddy is responsible. Thank you Deutsch for creating this vision in our heads.

Every Creative will fall into some kind of creative routine when it comes to developing ideas. I want to break down my creative routine to really see what are the little things I do that helps me be individual as a creative.

A day in the life of Copywriter Kevin:

7:00 am: Alarm goes off. Snooze. Snooze again.

7:15 am: Alarm 2 goes off. Snooze both alarms.

7:33 am: Get out of bed. Visit the facilities. Brush my teeth. Put in my contacts? Maybe. Nah, I’m too tired.

7:50 am: Everything bagel. Onion and Chive cream cheese. Coffee. Ready to face the day.

8:00 am: First class, still don’t know the name of it. I don’t pay attention. I write. I use being tired as interesting time to write because my state of mind is not normal. I’ve written some of my best lines in my morning classes. I didn’t today.

9:30 am: Portfolio class. Get my feelings hurt. Wait one of my 100 ideas has potential? Today is going to be a good day…

11:00 am: String Cheese. Fruit cup.

12:00 pm: Begin two-hour nap. Wake up in three hours.

3:00 pm: 15 minute lunch. Work starts at 3:30

3:30 pm – 6:00pm: At work, but not working on their work. My work. I write again. I do my worst writing at this time. It’s hard to focus, but you have to get those crappy ideas out of you.

6:30 pm: Dinner. TV. I watch too much TV.

9:00 pm: back to work. It’s a Tuesday, so it’s sort of almost the weekend. A glass of whiskey as a write sounds lovely. Drink four glasses of whiskey. Write half of a good line! It’s already 4 o’ clock?

5:00 am: 2-hour sleep (nap?)

7:33 am: Wake up. Wrote half of good line last night. It was a great day.

There are always going  to be advertisements I’m going to hate, but there’s nothing I hate more then a poorly done product placement in a TV show or movie. A show I believe is the best at being the worst at this, is Hawaii 5-0 on CBS. This is one of my favorite shows that is currently on television, but I simply cannot stand their product placement. It is actually atrocious. Besides the fact that apparently everyone in the world drives a Chevy, I first noticed how bad it was when they did a Bing product placement. Here they are trying to catch this mass murderer or criminal, when they find the need to research something. “Why don’t you Bing it?” suggests one woman. “What’s Bing?” asked the guy. “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT BING IS?!” she fired back like he just asked what year it was. She then proceeded to show it to him, with the camera zoomed in on the Bing logo for 10 seconds. IT’S A DAMN SEARCH ENGINE! It’s not that big of a deal. Yet no matter how entertaining their storyline can be, they refuse to notice just how bad their product placement advertising can be. You can’t just zoom in on the product or mention the brand name three times. To have successful product placement, it has to be subtle, subliminal even. I refuse to use Bing just because of that one episode. And if I didn’t already love Subway so much, I would have stopped eating it after a similar poor display of advertising in another episode. “Can’t function if I don’t have my damn, stupid subway sandwich everyday” says unimportant character with his terrible promotion. Yeah, is that so? You suck.

There have been many great advertisements over the years; many that I COULD say were my favorites, but I’m not like the typical people in society who pick the famous Old Spice ads as their favorite or the vintage Budweiser ones. Instead, my all time favorite ad only came out last year, for the Longhorn Network. It’s titled “Little Longhorn” and features a young girl maybe around the age of 7, listening to her father tell her a bed time story. The story however, isn’t like the usual stories for 7-year old girls, featuring fairies and princesses. Instead her father is finishing up a wonderful tale about how quarterback Vince Young for the University of Texas, runs into the end zone to win the National Championship against USC. At that part of the story, the girl just has the biggest smile on her face, begging her father to tell the story again, and as you will see below, she cleverly convinces him to do so:

I think what I love so much about this commercial, is that it’s essentially a summary of my childhood in a 30 second TV spot. I see myself, sitting in my fathers bed, listening to him tell famous stories of Longhorn Football. That was the life I grew up with. I have maybe replayed this commercial 30 times on YouTube, because every time in brings up this great nostalgic feeling. That’s what a great commercial has to do. It has to please people everywhere, but if it could truly touch just one person, then it’s a masterpiece.

I hadn’t grown up wanting to be in advertising, but I can’t help but feel that the things I grew up with had pushed me in this direction. My favorite show growing up (and admittedly still now), was the Rugrats, and the more I think about it, I realize that the Rugrats would make a great advertising agency:

·      Tommy Pickles- Copywriter: Tommy was born to be an ad man. He’s the Don Draper of 90’s Nickelodeon. There hasn’t been an idea that the gang went with, that didn’t come from Copywriter Tommy. The copywriter’s role is so vital to driving campaigns and ideas, and Tommy was without question the source of the best ideas.

·      Chuckie Finster- Art Director: Every good copywriter needs a great art director, and Chuckie would be that for Tommy. Chuckie would latch on to Tommy’s ideas and just run with it, like any good art director would. And I hate to be stereotypical, but Chuckie was also a bit quieter and less social then the rest of the group, just like many art directors.

·      Angelica Pickles- Creative Director: Unfortunately, copywriters and art directors many times have to run their ideas by the big boss. That would be Angelica, and she would be one hell of a mean boss. But Tommy and Chuckie have to understand, that just because Angelica is being tough on them, doesn’t mean she hates their ideas; she just wants to push them to be better. That is what makes Angelica, a quality Creative Director.

·      Phil and Lil- Account Planners: You can’t come up with ideas without clients, and Phil and Lil have the social skills for the task. They just get people and have that outgoing personality that would win the business of many great brands. They would know just how to sweeten the deals too: with a nice, juicy worm.

I present to you, the perfect advertising agency comprised of the hardworking characters from the Rugrats. Yep, looking back, it all makes sense.

People like to look towards inspirational works for guidance. Some find motivation in religious works like the Torah or Bible; others find it in the works of philosophers and scholars. But true inspiration, comes from an unlikely, lesser known masterpiece: Disney’s, A Goofy Movie. One may doubt my reasoning behind this statement, but truer words have never been spoken. A Goofy Movie is in short, brilliance squeezed into 76 minutes. It tells the story of love, betrayal, fear, bravery, friendship, and other powerful aspects of life. This film follows Max Goof, a confused preteen that just wants to win the heart of his middle school crush Roxanne. A normal life however, is difficult for young Max when his father is none other than Goofy Goof. Max faces the near impossible task of strengthening his relationship with his father while simultaneously courting Roxanne. This constant struggle that Max must deal with, will literally empower you to be a better person. My life changed that sweltering April day in 2009, when I decided to re-watch A Goofy Movie for the first time since my childhood. I owe everything that has happened since that moment, to that movie. I know that because of those lessons learned, I will be a better person, a better student, and one day a great father just like Goofy Goof. I would not be where I am today if it weren't for that movie, and I implore anyone seeking motivation in life, to turn to A Goofy Movie. I think I’ll go home and watch it right now.

Sequels are creative, and those of you that say Hollywood has lost its originality and creativity by making a sequel are simply wrong. Sequels can be done creatively, as long as they aren’t half-assed. These movies and TV shows are designed to win the views of the old fans and have to be good enough to bring in new ones. It’s a risk to make these sequels, because a poorly made one can destroy the original’s image, (see Sandlot 2, except don’t). What brought this topic to my attention, is the announcement of the 90s favorite Boy Meets World sequel, poorly titled Girl Meets World. Though the title itself lacks creativity, the show still has promise. You can choose to say that a sequel to this show is absurd and will destroy what was once loved by my generation, or you could see the decision as what it really is: insanely brave. The creators of this show know what they are getting into, and know what they have to do. They have an incredible opportunity for creativity in front of them, and as long as they put all they’ve got into it (like getting back the original cast), they can succeed. Making a true sequel can in a lot of ways be more challenging then creating a new idea. An original show or movie was a creator’s best idea. By creating a sequel, they’ve decided to take on the challenge of coming up with an idea that’s better then their best idea. That’s not easy, and though many do fail, giving sequels a bad rep, the ones that succeed are excellent displays of creativity. That being said, I will continue to buy movie tickets to sequels and I will definitely be watching shows like Girl Meets World. At the same time however, I will embrace the fact that there are times when creating a sequel would be idiotic, and I would like to explore a few of these possible titles:

1.     Titanic 2: Rose moves on (As you can see, Titanic 2 actually exists)

2.     King Kong 2: Moving Kong off the Street

3.     Black Swan 2: Recasted

4.     Se7en sequel: Ei8ht

5.     Lost Sequel: Found

6.     How I Met Your Mother sequel: After I Met Your Mother

Eh, you get the point. If sequels are going to be made, they shouldn’t be taken lightly.

My Dearest Sleep,

Oh, how I long for you. To feel your warmth and your comfort again would be true bliss. But such hopes and wishes are only those, for I know our time together has come to an end. And yet, though it may be true, I find it simply unbearable to part ways with you, and I believe it impossible to rid from my mind the memories that haunt me daily, the memories of you my love. Do you recall that evening, where we spent 14 hours under the covers, without a care in the world? Or the night we spent in the airport terminal, not minding that everyone was watching? We wanted them to see, to know what true love is. What I don’t understand my love, and I can only pray by writing you in hopes I will get some answer in return, is why now you have chosen to leave me? For nearly twenty-two years, you have been a part of my life, a part of my soul. You’ve been there when I needed you most, when only you could save me from my greatest fears and downfalls. I’ve shared with you, thoughts and secrets that no person in my life will ever know. And yet, when I need you most, twelve days before Creative Critique, you choose to elude me. I fear, without you, I’m destined to fail. However, I can’t help but wonder that perhaps, you are testing me. You need to see if I can handle these challenges on my own, to prove my love to you. And in doing so, you will return to me my love. If I conquer all that I set out to do in these final days, you shall be there with open arms at the finish line. It is with this thought that I move forward. I pray every night, that I may see you again, for I must have you again. I simply cannot live without you, my Dearest Sleep. I look forward to the end of these twelve days, not because there is any certainty, but because there is faith, that I will be with my Dearest Sleep once more.

Always, and forever thinking of you,

Kevin