This is a poem about graduating...
by Kevin Eisenbaum
Three weeks ‘til I graduate, No more textbooks for reading.
Thank God I have made it, without crying, without cheating.
I am graduating college! I will have a degree!
I have accomplished the goals my parents instilled in me!
Words can’t describe, this excitement I feel,
As I embark on this journey, into a world that’s so real.
I will be on my own, soon to learn what that means:
Like for starters my diet will consist of Ramen and beans.
You know that money from my Bar Mitzvah? It’s long since been spent,
And only in college my parents said they’d pay the rent.
And I’m graduating with no job, I’m not gonna get paid.
And with no girl to call mine, definitely not gonna get laid.
The only apartment I can afford, comes with roaches and mold.
My furniture will have spider eggs at the time it is sold.
I’ll keep calling for jobs, I don’t care where they are,
Until my data runs out and there’s no gas in my car.
Then with a quarter I find, I’ll update my dad.
Tell him everything’s fine, how much fun I have had.
But in reality I’m losing it, I’m beginning to snap.
Why did I spend $100 on a graduation cap?
And then I bump into my friend, who brags that he’s great.
He’s already married cause they were “too in love” to wait.
In fact his wife’s pregnant, he’s gonna have a son.
Of course he can afford it, he’s making a ton.
“Oh my life is perfect, better than yours!” I scoff.
Though I haven’t showered in days, cause my water’s been turned off.
I haven’t changed my shirt in weeks, that’s clear from the stains,
Yet I continue to lie about my monetary gains.
Lies about my writing career, and how it’s never been better.
Lie’s that I’m going to get published, getting paid by the letter.
“and my girlfriend and I, we’re getting married too!”
If by girlfriend I meant hand, and by married I meant lubed.
I’ll then make an excuse, how my valuable time is restricted,
And will return home to find, I have been evicted.
Now I’ve lost my possessions, and all my amenities,
And my roommate will be that hobo who shouts those obscenities.
This new friend will tell me, he too got a degree,
Without removing his pants as he begins to pee.
Now reeking of urine, he’ll tell me school is a joke.
He was going to be a doctor, if he wasn’t so broke.
I’ll then guess he is 40, but he’ll tell me his age.
Only five years will have passed since he too walked the stage.
And I’ll remember when I graduated, thrilled I wasn’t a schmuck,
Without knowing from that moment, I was gonna be fucked.
Thank God I have made it, without crying, without cheating.
I am graduating college! I will have a degree!
I have accomplished the goals my parents instilled in me!
Words can’t describe, this excitement I feel,
As I embark on this journey, into a world that’s so real.
I will be on my own, soon to learn what that means:
Like for starters my diet will consist of Ramen and beans.
You know that money from my Bar Mitzvah? It’s long since been spent,
And only in college my parents said they’d pay the rent.
And I’m graduating with no job, I’m not gonna get paid.
And with no girl to call mine, definitely not gonna get laid.
The only apartment I can afford, comes with roaches and mold.
My furniture will have spider eggs at the time it is sold.
I’ll keep calling for jobs, I don’t care where they are,
Until my data runs out and there’s no gas in my car.
Then with a quarter I find, I’ll update my dad.
Tell him everything’s fine, how much fun I have had.
But in reality I’m losing it, I’m beginning to snap.
Why did I spend $100 on a graduation cap?
And then I bump into my friend, who brags that he’s great.
He’s already married cause they were “too in love” to wait.
In fact his wife’s pregnant, he’s gonna have a son.
Of course he can afford it, he’s making a ton.
“Oh my life is perfect, better than yours!” I scoff.
Though I haven’t showered in days, cause my water’s been turned off.
I haven’t changed my shirt in weeks, that’s clear from the stains,
Yet I continue to lie about my monetary gains.
Lies about my writing career, and how it’s never been better.
Lie’s that I’m going to get published, getting paid by the letter.
“and my girlfriend and I, we’re getting married too!”
If by girlfriend I meant hand, and by married I meant lubed.
I’ll then make an excuse, how my valuable time is restricted,
And will return home to find, I have been evicted.
Now I’ve lost my possessions, and all my amenities,
And my roommate will be that hobo who shouts those obscenities.
This new friend will tell me, he too got a degree,
Without removing his pants as he begins to pee.
Now reeking of urine, he’ll tell me school is a joke.
He was going to be a doctor, if he wasn’t so broke.
I’ll then guess he is 40, but he’ll tell me his age.
Only five years will have passed since he too walked the stage.
And I’ll remember when I graduated, thrilled I wasn’t a schmuck,
Without knowing from that moment, I was gonna be fucked.
