Even with the aid of their famed 12th man, Aggies can’t advertise, but such a complete lack of creativity, doesn’t deter these corn picking Aggies from giving it their best shuck. What follows, is a complete exploration into the caves and caverns of the average Aggie Advertiser’s mind.
Let’s start from the beginning, best narrated by an actual well-made advertisement from the University of Texas Advertising department: “January 4, 2006. Pasadena, California. The two top teams meet for the biggest game of them all.” This line comes from an advertising gem for the Longhorn Network featuring a young girl eagerly listening to a bedtime story from her father about the 2005 National Championship where the Texas Longhorns triumphed over the USC Trojans 41-38. Prior to this highly anticipated matchup, Longhorn fans around the globe were cautiously elated, while their heated rivals the Texas A&M Aggies sat scowling in their homes like Scrooge on Christmas Eve. Enter our friend the Aggie Advertiser with what he sees as a golden opportunity to present us with our first example of Aggie advertising:
Let’s start from the beginning, best narrated by an actual well-made advertisement from the University of Texas Advertising department: “January 4, 2006. Pasadena, California. The two top teams meet for the biggest game of them all.” This line comes from an advertising gem for the Longhorn Network featuring a young girl eagerly listening to a bedtime story from her father about the 2005 National Championship where the Texas Longhorns triumphed over the USC Trojans 41-38. Prior to this highly anticipated matchup, Longhorn fans around the globe were cautiously elated, while their heated rivals the Texas A&M Aggies sat scowling in their homes like Scrooge on Christmas Eve. Enter our friend the Aggie Advertiser with what he sees as a golden opportunity to present us with our first example of Aggie advertising:
That’s right: “Gig ‘em Horns. Today only. The tape comes off Jan 5th.” Yup, t-shirts supporting their largest and most hated rival. There is not a chant, fight song, or cheer at A&M that does not attempt to put down the University of Texas (and I’m sure those chants work wonders in the SEC). Aggies live, to despise the Longhorns, but with good reason. In short, the Longhorns are better than the Aggies with a 76-37-5 record in the Lone Star Showdown. So, with the Longhorns competing for a National Championship, Aggieland Outfitters so-brilliantly reached this conclusion: ‘Let’s make a t-shirt supporting our biggest rival in history in hopes that our fans, who hate them on levels parallel with racism, will purchase these t-shirts to add to their morose, I mean maroon, colored wardrobe; perhaps the perfect casual Friday t-shirt.’ Sales must have been booming that day. I’ll admit, there are those Aggie fans who are too proud to admit how absolutely stupid this idea is, and simply call the apparel “a class act.” However more sane Aggie fans, (and believe me, I use that term very lightly), have gone out of their way to avoid further purchases from Aggieland Outfitters. I wonder if they still sell that shirt…
Oh, but thankfully for us Longhorn fans, Aggieland Outfitters has continued to create cotton masterpieces. Next on sale, is this t-shirt:
Oh, but thankfully for us Longhorn fans, Aggieland Outfitters has continued to create cotton masterpieces. Next on sale, is this t-shirt:
What’s wrong with this one you ask? Try geography. Following an A&M move to the SEC conference, Aggieland Outfitters, wished to prove to the college football world that they may be a new addition to the SEC conference, but they definitely aren’t new to the game of football. They aren’t? Well surely someone not new to college football or at least any school that has a stable Internet connection would know that the SEC conference does not consist of North Carolina. Yet, the above shirt shows the states in the SEC conference, with the addition of an incorrect North Carolina, and the omission of the Aggies own state of Texas. Believe me, I’m happy to see that the Aggies agree they are not a part of my glorious state, but you can be sure once again, this brilliance didn’t do well for sales, accept for the majority of Aggies who probably don’t know any better that is. [1]
Let’s take a break from merchandise, and head to the print side of A&M’s failures. I’ll create the scene: The Aggies enter as the freshman in a conference of super seniors who are looking for nothing better than to haze the pants off the pledge who wishes to join the ranks of the elite. After a postponed first matchup against Louisiana Tech, A&M now is to face longtime SEC powerhouse Florida for their inaugural game in their new conference (a matchup which unsurprisingly resulted in an Aggie loss 20-17). As a fraternity member myself, I wish to give a little advice for this Aggie pledge: show that you respect the older members of the fraternity. Whatever you do, do not try to undermine the authority of a more powerful, more dominant member. Let’s see if this new “fish camp” (as they call it) participant-certificate-recipient heeded my advice:
Let’s take a break from merchandise, and head to the print side of A&M’s failures. I’ll create the scene: The Aggies enter as the freshman in a conference of super seniors who are looking for nothing better than to haze the pants off the pledge who wishes to join the ranks of the elite. After a postponed first matchup against Louisiana Tech, A&M now is to face longtime SEC powerhouse Florida for their inaugural game in their new conference (a matchup which unsurprisingly resulted in an Aggie loss 20-17). As a fraternity member myself, I wish to give a little advice for this Aggie pledge: show that you respect the older members of the fraternity. Whatever you do, do not try to undermine the authority of a more powerful, more dominant member. Let’s see if this new “fish camp” (as they call it) participant-certificate-recipient heeded my advice:
They ignored it. Erected in Gainsville (the home of the University of Florida), is this billboard, stating, “Howdy Gainsville: You’ve been annexed by Aggie Nation. The best academics and cleanest program in the SEC. WHOOP! Real football. Real tradition.” [2] I hate to spoil the end of the story, but this freshman will not be joining the fraternity brotherhood, but that is not before an unpleasant pledgeship. I’m going to start with the chosen term “cleanest” for “best academics” is way funnier, and must be saved for later. Cleanest. If the state of Texas were metaphorically a 6-year old boy, the home of A&M, College Station, would be the shit stain in the whitey tighties of this little tyke. College Station is greyer than the nose hair of a 90-year old man where you find cult-following rednecks that follow their canine leader that has intelligence far greater than any of their students. This walks us into the oxymoron, that A&M has the “best academics”. There are 14 schools in the SEC. And the Aggies would have the “best academics, if Vanderbilt, a top 20 university, weren’t in the conference. Remember them? In fact, according to US News college rankings, Vanderbilt ranks 17th, while A&M is all they way at 58th tied with, you guessed it, Florida. [3] Not to mention the fact that an Aggie student’s only purpose at the university is to gain a complete understanding of the wonders of gardening and lawn mowing, and of course as you might have assumed; there is not an advertising program. WHOOP!
Finally, we’ll end with a video, which pretty much confirms everyone’s assumption: Yes, Aggies are just a bunch of uneducated farmers. If you disagree with this, and think that I’m over generalizing Aggies as just simply being farmers, you must understand, I’m not the one who said it:
Finally, we’ll end with a video, which pretty much confirms everyone’s assumption: Yes, Aggies are just a bunch of uneducated farmers. If you disagree with this, and think that I’m over generalizing Aggies as just simply being farmers, you must understand, I’m not the one who said it:
A “football pump up video” to the Farmers Insurance’ jingle. Words are not the most effective way to stress how terrible this idea really is, which is why it’s imperative that you watch for yourself.
Summed up, Aggies are unintelligent and dirty, and thus make atrocious advertisers and marketers. After all of this, it all makes sense: the Aggie tradition of a stadium wide waving of a white towel, is their sign of surrender.
[1]http://blog.chron.com/aggies/2012/04/t-shirt-shop-calling-its-league-alignment-shot/
[2]http://deadspin.com/5940259/texas-a--m-erects-billboard-in-gainesville-declaring-itself-cleanest-program-in-the-sec-prior-to-aggies+gators-matchup
[3]http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities/data/page+3
[4]http://vimeo.com/48722610
Summed up, Aggies are unintelligent and dirty, and thus make atrocious advertisers and marketers. After all of this, it all makes sense: the Aggie tradition of a stadium wide waving of a white towel, is their sign of surrender.
[1]http://blog.chron.com/aggies/2012/04/t-shirt-shop-calling-its-league-alignment-shot/
[2]http://deadspin.com/5940259/texas-a--m-erects-billboard-in-gainesville-declaring-itself-cleanest-program-in-the-sec-prior-to-aggies+gators-matchup
[3]http://colleges.usnews.rankingsandreviews.com/best-colleges/rankings/national-universities/data/page+3
[4]http://vimeo.com/48722610
RSS Feed
