Let’s start from the beginning, best narrated by an actual well-made advertisement from the University of Texas Advertising department: “January 4, 2006. Pasadena, California. The two top teams meet for the biggest game of them all.” This line comes from an advertising gem for the Longhorn Network featuring a young girl eagerly listening to a bedtime story from her father about the 2005 National Championship where the Texas Longhorns triumphed over the USC Trojans 41-38. Prior to this highly anticipated matchup, Longhorn fans around the globe were cautiously elated, while their heated rivals the Texas A&M Aggies sat scowling in their homes like Scrooge on Christmas Eve. Enter our friend the Aggie Advertiser with what he sees as a golden opportunity to present us with our first example of Aggie advertising:
Oh, but thankfully for us Longhorn fans, Aggieland Outfitters has continued to create cotton masterpieces. Next on sale, is this t-shirt:
Let’s take a break from merchandise, and head to the print side of A&M’s failures. I’ll create the scene: The Aggies enter as the freshman in a conference of super seniors who are looking for nothing better than to haze the pants off the pledge who wishes to join the ranks of the elite. After a postponed first matchup against Louisiana Tech, A&M now is to face longtime SEC powerhouse Florida for their inaugural game in their new conference (a matchup which unsurprisingly resulted in an Aggie loss 20-17). As a fraternity member myself, I wish to give a little advice for this Aggie pledge: show that you respect the older members of the fraternity. Whatever you do, do not try to undermine the authority of a more powerful, more dominant member. Let’s see if this new “fish camp” (as they call it) participant-certificate-recipient heeded my advice:
Finally, we’ll end with a video, which pretty much confirms everyone’s assumption: Yes, Aggies are just a bunch of uneducated farmers. If you disagree with this, and think that I’m over generalizing Aggies as just simply being farmers, you must understand, I’m not the one who said it:
Summed up, Aggies are unintelligent and dirty, and thus make atrocious advertisers and marketers. After all of this, it all makes sense: the Aggie tradition of a stadium wide waving of a white towel, is their sign of surrender.