My Dearest Sleep,

Oh, how I long for you. To feel your warmth and your comfort again would be true bliss. But such hopes and wishes are only those, for I know our time together has come to an end. And yet, though it may be true, I find it simply unbearable to part ways with you, and I believe it impossible to rid from my mind the memories that haunt me daily, the memories of you my love. Do you recall that evening, where we spent 14 hours under the covers, without a care in the world? Or the night we spent in the airport terminal, not minding that everyone was watching? We wanted them to see, to know what true love is. What I don’t understand my love, and I can only pray by writing you in hopes I will get some answer in return, is why now you have chosen to leave me? For nearly twenty-two years, you have been a part of my life, a part of my soul. You’ve been there when I needed you most, when only you could save me from my greatest fears and downfalls. I’ve shared with you, thoughts and secrets that no person in my life will ever know. And yet, when I need you most, twelve days before Creative Critique, you choose to elude me. I fear, without you, I’m destined to fail. However, I can’t help but wonder that perhaps, you are testing me. You need to see if I can handle these challenges on my own, to prove my love to you. And in doing so, you will return to me my love. If I conquer all that I set out to do in these final days, you shall be there with open arms at the finish line. It is with this thought that I move forward. I pray every night, that I may see you again, for I must have you again. I simply cannot live without you, my Dearest Sleep. I look forward to the end of these twelve days, not because there is any certainty, but because there is faith, that I will be with my Dearest Sleep once more.

Always, and forever thinking of you,

Kevin

In class today we discussed what we believed to be the most creative ad agencies of the top agencies in the world. We individually brought up various ads that we felt made these agencies creative or strategic. But as people were pulling up their favorite commercials or out of home marketing, I couldn’t help but wonder something: would I ever create an ad, where students at a university would choose my work as an example of quality creative advertising? I would think for a Creative, that would be the dream. I want to be talked about. I want to one day know that my work is being used as a study tool of creativity. I would want an idea I came up with to be passed around the social media world and shown to friends and family to make them laugh or put a smile on their face. That day could be a while from now, but there is no point in waiting around. I still want to be talked about, and I want to be talked about now. Let’s brainstorm some ways this could happen:

1.     As I write this in class right now, I could pause, stand up, yell my professor’s name, and then flick him off. That would work.

2.     What if I spit on the girl in front of me? She would surely talk about me to someone. Her friend? The dean?

3.     I’ve never seen a streaker on campus. That could be me. It’s a nice day outside. I would be on the front page of the school newspaper tomorrow.

4.     Back to my professor… I could tackle him. Right now. Waterboy style. This guy is slow and old, and I could just lay him out. Maybe someone on the football team is in the class and will talk me up to coach for that great tackle.

5.     I HAVE TO PEE! I just yelled that in class, super loud. Everyone noticed… I didn’t, but I could have.

This is still a work in progress, but I’ll figure it out. I just need to keep writing…

Last night, the most brilliant, funny, and simply perfect idea for my campaign came to me in my sleep, and I wrote it down in my sleep, meaning I didn’t write it down. It was there, I’m sure of it, yet I opened my eyes to realize that that satisfying, wonderful feeling of getting your idea down on paper didn’t actually happen. I had no clue what my idea was, or which of my three clients that idea was for. I was left with a hint of what that idea might have been and spent the next hour in bed, working up a headache trying to figure out what it was. I finally got out of bed, with nothing.

I feel like the best ideas are born when you are least prepared for them. Like when you are lying in your bed half asleep, taking a shower where paper is useless and technology is dangerous, or sitting on a toilet where the only scratch paper you have is single ply. They come when you aren’t ready for them and because of that, they leave before you get the chance to introduce yourself.

It is because of this that I propose the following: find your personal solution to avoid these catastrophes. If money is tight, your solution could be taping pieces of paper and pens attached to strings, everywhere. I cannot stress this enough. They need to be everywhere. On your nightstand, just outside the shower, above the toilet roll, attached to the remote control, in the fridge, on your dog, in the microwave, everywhere. Now if you are fortunate enough to have some money to your name, your solution is simpler: hire an idea recorder to follow you around wherever you go and write down every word and thought that comes out of your mouth. However, if you do go this route, you must make sure of two things: 1) Your recorder shows respect by shutting his or her eyes when you are in the bathroom, and 2) Your recorder has short term memory loss, so that any good idea you come up with, cannot be stolen.

You are now prepared for your unexpected ideas. You’re welcome.

What do you do if you are an aspiring copywriter or art director creating untalented work that doesn’t seem to be appreciated by anyone? Organize it in your portfolio, and apply for jobs. If anything is clear from the immense amount of awful advertising out in various forms of media today, it’s this: even if you completely suck at this field, it seems someone is willing to hire you. With the holiday season just around the corner, comes the rise of the worst of the worst: the diamond ads. I want nothing more than to meet the creative team behind the “He went to Jared” Ads, to shake their hands, and then throw hot acid in their face. My holiday season television watching, is ruined with their disgusting filth they call an advertisement. When the time comes for me to buy a diamond for my future wife, I in no way want to be the guy that “went to Jared”. Those guys suck, and succumb to terrible persuasion techniques. 

Then some would tell me since my name is Kevin, that I would buy diamonds at Kay, because “every kiss begins with Kay”, right? Wrong. Kay will never be responsible for any kiss in my future relationships because I hate everything about them, thanks to their awful attempts at creativity.

I will go out of my way to avoid any jewelry purchases from Jared or Kay, thanks to those non-creative creatives. But hey, at least someone hired you.

And I’ll admit, there are some ads out there people like, thinking they are somewhat entertaining, but I implore you to understand that they are made by the untalented in advertising. Flo from the progressive Ads is in no way funny, but a nuisance, and serves no benefit to society. I hope the advertising mental asylum guards, lock her up in the straight jacket that psychopath belongs in so that she can no longer be a drain on life.

However, the point of this post is not just to bash advertising I hate. It is to remind the person who’s greatest tagline they’ll ever write is “Head-On, apply directly to the forehead”, that someone lacks the creative intelligence to know that they are undeserving of the label “creative” and you will be able to make some kind of pity-salary.

So keep your head up Mr. Permanent Writers Block. Though your peers and mentors never seem to appreciate all the hard work you put into your mediocre concepts, someone out there is more uncreative than you to not really notice.


This is about right: